At a dim sum restaurant

you'll need to ask for la jiu jeong (chili sauce)

la jiu yeow (chili oil),

or dao ban jeong (bean paste sauce)

depending on your preference

Try not to use Cantonese

after saying “hi”

If you're paranoid and unsure

because that's a rude word

in Cantonese

Siu mei is not siu mai

san fu (priest)

san fu (new pants)

san fu (uncomfortable/difficult)

If you're not sure just

ask for har gow, siu mai

and char siu bao

and certainly not phoenix claws

unless you like unmanicured chicken feet

(which I do, actually)

I'm usually given a Chinese menu

because I'm visibly Chinese

because I speak Mandarin

(though it's called Putonghua in Hong Kong)

better than Cantonese

I may be mistaken for

a mainland Chinese person

but because I took Chinese

as a second language

In school and scraped by to get into university

I can barely recognise

the traditional Chinese characters

because in Singapore we use

the simplified script

It's too complicated to explain all these

to the confused/ irritated waiter in

Cantonese or Putonghua

so I usually go with har gow, siu mai,

and char siu bao

Siu mei is not siu mai

san fu (priest)

san fu (new pants)

san fu (uncomfortable/difficult)

Professor Eddie Tay // Department of English